From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, “You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.”

So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, “I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.”

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex god he was.

The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?” The Pakistani man replied, “Just try dem on, Sahib.”

Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on.

As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn’t seen in many years – raw sexual power. In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Pakistani man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down the man’s pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Pakistani’s thighs.

The terrified Pakistani then began screaming, “YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!”

“Okay class. Now I’m going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off.” said the teacher.

“Who is credited with writing the phrase,’To be or not to be, that is the question’?” asked the teacher.

Little Pham Lam Nguyen at the front of the class called out, ‘Shakespeare’.

“Well done!” said the teacher, “You can have Monday off.”

‘No thank you Miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in our culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on Monday studying hard.’ said Little Pham Lam Nguyen.

‘Well okay,’ said the teacher.

The next quote is, “I had a dream!”

Little Fri Sum Kat also at the front yelled out “I bereiva it was Martin Ruther King!”

“Well done!” said the teacher. “You can have Monday off”

“No thanka you miss I am of Chinese oligin and we also do not take time offa school. Education is evelything to us, so I will be in on Monday studying hard too.” said little Fri Sum Kat.

‘Okay,’ said the teacher.

Then she heard a voice from the back of the classroom, “F#^*ing Asians!”

“Who said that?” yelled the teacher in an angry tone.

“Pauline Hanson!” yelled little Johnny. “See ya Tuesday!!!!”

The truckie says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a coke,’ and turns to the emu, ‘What’s yours?’ ‘I’ll have the same,’ says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order ‘That will be $9.40 please,’ and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a coke.’ The emu says, ‘I’ll have the same.’

Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. ‘The usual?’ asks the waitress.

‘No, it’s Friday night, so I’ll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,’ says the man. ‘Same,’ says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ‘That will be $32.62.’

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. ‘Excuse me, mate, how do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?’

‘Well, love’ says the truckie, ‘a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.’

‘That’s brilliant!’ says the waitress. ‘Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!’

‘That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,’ says the man.

The waitress asks, ‘What’s with the bloody emu?’

The truckie sighs, pauses, and answers, ‘My second wish was for a tall chick with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.’

One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).

The average man’s penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he’s in a bedroom, in a golf-course mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women.

After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous house.

The first thing he notices is that all the floors in the house are entirely covered in stacks of $100 bills.

Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits.

They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he’s dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It’s the two blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one, ‘I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me?

The blonde woman replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chicago and I’m staying right here.”

After repeated attempts and no success convicing the woman to return to economy, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there’s a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chicago and I’m staying right here.”

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.” He kneels down next to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

“I told her first class isn’t going to Chicago.”

‘How much do you charge for da hour, sister?’ he asks.

‘$100,’ she replies.

He says ‘Do you do Aboriginal style?’

‘No’ she says.

‘I pay you $200 to do it Aboriginal style’

‘No’, she says, not knowing what Aboriginal style is.

‘I pay you $300′

‘No’, she says.

‘I pay you $400′

‘No’, she says.

So finally he says, ‘OK, I pay you $1,000 to do it Aboriginal style.’

She thinks, “Well, I’ve been in the game for over 10 years now. I’ve had every kind of request from weirdos from every part of the world. How bad could Aboriginal Style be?.”

So she agrees and has sex with him.

They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position. Finally, after several hours, they finish.

Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, ‘Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting.’

But that was good. So what exactly is ‘Aboriginal style’?’

The Aboriginal replies ‘You send da bill to da Gub’ment’

“Get away from me, you dirty old man,” she replied.

“I want to feel your breasts, I will give you $5″ he says.

“$5!!! Get away from me!”

“I want to feel your breasts, I will give you $10″ he says.

“NO! Get away from me!”

“$50″ he says.

She pauses to think about it, but then comes to her senses & says, “I said NO!”

“$100 if you let me feel your breasts,” he says.

She thinks, well he is old … and $100 would be very handy….”Well, OK…but only for a minute,” she says.

She loosens her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slides his hands underneath and begins to feel…and then he starts saying OH MY GOD…OH MY GOD…while he is caressing them.

So out of curiosity, she asks him “Why do you keep saying “Oh my god?”

While continuing to fondle her breasts he answers “OH MY GOD…OH MY GOD… Where am I ever going to get $100?”