All Entries in the "humour" Category
The Cheap Hooker
Out on a pub crawl, a bloke is wandering through Kings Cross when he spots a brothel offering the best girls in Sydney.
He asks for the cheapest girl available and is led into a very dark room. There he finds a woman lying on the bed – but as soon as he climbs on top and starts pumping, the hooker starts spitting in his face.
Furious, he sprints down to the desk and starts screaming at the receptionist, “that chick spat in my face!”.
The receptionist turns to a couple of burly bouncers standing in the doorway and says, “Hop to it boys, the corpse is full again”.
Fluck
An Asian woman goes in to her local National Australia Bank Branch and begins exchanging her money.
After the transaction is complete she asks the teller ‘Why it change, yesterday I get two hunat dollar for my money, today I only get hunat eighty?’
The teller looked over his glasses and says very slowly….’fluctuations’.
The Asian woman narrows her eyes and says, ‘fluck you Aussies too’
The Blonde Going to Melbourne
A plane is On its way to Melbourne when a Blonde in Economy Class gets up & moves to the First Class section and sits down
The Flight attendant Watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
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The Cabbie and the Nun
A cabbie picks up a Nun and she gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
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One Could Dream…
A bogan walked into the centrelink office, marched straight up to the counter and said,
“Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.”
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Top sexy lines from “Star Wars”
A New Hope:
- “Get in there you big furry oaf, I don’t care what you smell!”
- “Luke, at that speed do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time?”
- “Put that thing away before you get us all killed.”
- “You’ve got something jammed in here real good.”
- “Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?”
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Blonde Moment
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that, they don’t sell rectum deodorant and never have.
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Senior Jokes
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’
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Garage Door
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, ‘This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?’ The boss told her he knew he’d closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant’s question about his ‘garage door.’
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, ‘When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?’
She smiled and said, ‘No, I didn’t. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.’
love this show! can't wait for the new season. 
always nice to see people care about their health 
Nice post! I was wondering, as I usually read most of the entries here is there any way I can ...