Top sexy lines from “Star Wars”

A New Hope:

  • “Get in there you big furry oaf, I don’t care what you smell!”
  • “Luke, at that speed do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time?”
  • “Put that thing away before you get us all killed.”
  • “You’ve got something jammed in here real good.”
  • “Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?” [Read more...]

Blonde Moment

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that, they don’t sell rectum deodorant and never have.
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Senior Jokes

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’
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Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, ‘This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?’ The boss told her he knew he’d closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant’s question about his ‘garage door.’

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, ‘When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?’

She smiled and said, ‘No, I didn’t. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.’

Woman’s Best Friend….

As the woman passed her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, “What in the world are you doing?”
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Don’t Mess With Grandma

When Grandma Goes To Court Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.
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Bad Pick Up Lines

  • Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?
  • Bond. James Bond.
  • Your place or mine?
  • “Are you ready to go home yet?”
  • Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
  • Would you like to have morning coffee with me? [Read more...]

Treatment of insurgents

A lady Canadian libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System Facilities. She received back the following reply:
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